ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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