who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
