I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
