I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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