all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
