i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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