girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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