I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
