Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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