i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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