Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
