my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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