we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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