ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
