she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize