She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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