I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
