the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
