I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
