I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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