I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
