I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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