She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
