I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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