i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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