I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
accomplished twins. life is a go
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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