dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
