I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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