I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
