the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
