She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
