a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
