The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
