she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
