seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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