Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
