I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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