if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
