i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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