when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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