Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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