my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
