My balls are so social today.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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