is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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