New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize