saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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