Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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