We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
