ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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