I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
