he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
