Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
