White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
