woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
