Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
