Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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