My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need a beard to bite.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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