its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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