I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
