nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
