Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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