before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
