just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
