So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
