i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
