Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
