In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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