just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
