Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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