Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
