I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
