He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
