hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
North Korea, Best Korea!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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