She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
