just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
