i think i have two assholes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
