bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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