You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
