kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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