if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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