I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
