Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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