filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
