Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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